Saturday, September 12, 2009

Bacon.....


Hubby and I went out to dinner tonight. We are so broke, that going on a date for dinner means we grab whatever fast food coupons we have and pick from there. Tonight, we had the choice of Del Taco (2-for-1 Bacon Double Del's), McDonalds (two for one Big Macs), or Carls Jr.(about 4 different 2-for-1 burger offers). So, we decided on Carl's Jr. We bought buy one get one free Double Western Bacon Cheeseburgers, and a medium drink. Remember when 32 0unce sodas were considered large? We are sitting there, slowly eating our burgers and debating the greatness of this burger over the last we had. Why are we eating slowly? Because we are less than a mile from home, and we aren't in any hurry to get back to the kids. We get away pretty seldom, and rarely for more than an hour. They're safe. My oldest is watching them. If she isn't busy messing with MySpace. I hope they're safe...

Well, back to the story. We decided we liked the last one better, if it had bacon, and onion rings, and barbecue sauce. Then we realized that was what we were eating, except it would also have lettuce. Taking another bite and slowly masticating it (That is not a bad word. If you don't know it, look it up.), I listen as my husband makes his proposal. He's going to open a restaurant. Everything will be made of bacon. That sandwich we had decided on? It would lose the burger patty, and just have a patty made of bacon. Did you want fries with that? No! You will have more bacon! I read somewhere they even have bacon ice cream. And tonight, I stumbled upon (I love that silly button!) his first breakfast item on the menu. Brown Sugar Bacon Buttermilk Waffles... with a side of bacon, of course! Bacon garnish, too? You got it!

We would call the restaurant Your Last Heart Attack, or maybe The Porker Palace. The sign out front would be a neon sign with a line of pigs entering a barn and leaving as dancing bacon strips. On the cover of the menu would be a man, laid out as if for a viewing, with a bouquet of bacon strips clutched at his breast and a huge smile on his face. Next to the salt and pepper shakers on the table would be low dose aspirin packets (the right size to forestall your next heart attack). There would be no diet drinks, only highly caffeinated and sugared drinks. For those not keen on sodas, there will be sweet tea. If you ask for water, we will assume you are on fire, and bring out a hose to put you out. Wait, this is a bacon joint, so you'd be in the middle of a grease fire! We will instead bring out salt, baking soda, or the appropriate extinguisher to put you out.

Oh, and you would have to sign a release form stating that, if you were harmed by anything you ingested or encountered in the restaurant, that you came of your own free will, and would hold all employees, owners, and denizens of the restaurant harmless, and perhaps remember them in your will. :)

While I was looking for an image to head up this article, I found this. I want one. I almost feel bad that I wasted my opportunity on a lesser burger today. Damned diet....

3 comments:

Leiandra said...

Maybe you guys should take pointers from these guys in Arizona: http://www.heartattackgrill.com/

defkon said...

O...M...G - I am now the most hungry man alive, I crave bacon. Please post the location of the new restaurant ASAP! :-p

Shawndra said...

Patience, @defkon, I still need to finish the menu! So far we only have three items. I need a really good signature dish. :)